Saturday, July 31, 2010

To live or to quit

I have been dealing with a life or death issue. Me, My life and how to reach that apple with a stick : happiness were facing a “pseudo-dead me”. I am the happiest person that I have ever met. I can find a way, a reason leading to enjoyment and sometimes nonsense happiness. People could be experts on engineering, medicine, art, computers anything but I have been a happiness expert. All my life I was asking reading or most concerned with nothing more than HAPINESS. But the happy expert is having a happiness crisis. when the core of anything dies, it dies. That is why, when the heart stops to beat we die. Still my heart did not stop to beat it stopped to live. I admit it with tears on my eyes; I have stopped living! Surely, it was not a choice of mine but I was not able to eat, think, read, talk from my heart it was like acting. And I am a good actress, nobody figured out. I am good at pretending happiness; I always have believed that my problems have to continue being mine no need to share! And I kept that way for a month maybe accepting and testing my patience till the situation changes. I smile, feel glad and sometimes happy but I cannot really enjoy things. The core was out of service. I guess I was tough enough to continue being so. I did say no word about it to anyone but today. It was an endless suffer but somehow purifying or maybe this was my way to find a positive reason for anything happening to me. It might be the world energy or the devices in my room; it might be me changing my yoga ritual or getting stuck too much to exercise, good things, to do lists, TV letting go; acceptance; giving up; maybe my belief that I need time and I am not supposed to choose now and always postponing my decision to live. I was claiming the right choice is not available yet. But Arwa glad to tell you there is no right choice going to come there is no right person and no right situations there is only YOU and no one else but you can and cannot. It is up to you to live or to quit.

Friday, July 23, 2010

ما يكفي من التوازن

ما يكفي من التوازن حتى أنزلق
عن الخيط الأسود الذي يربطنا
ما يكفي من التوازن حتى أبتعد
دون أن أقع
حتى أقتلع عينيّ في صمت متلعثم

Sunday, July 18, 2010

الأخطبوط بول : لا سلام في الشرق الأوسط

يستطيع الهواء المعبأ في المستديرة الساحرة أن يحبس الأنفاس ويوقف القلوب. فكرة القدم ليست لعبة عادية، إنما ملايين الدولارات التي توجه يمنة ويسرة، تارة لزرع الفتن وطورا لتمرير الإيديولوجيات المستحدثة، لكنها هذه المرة تتحفنا بأحدث صيحات التنجيم مع أخطبوط يتوقع نتائج المباريات ويمنح الكأس إلى اسبانيا قبل صافرة البداية. لقد قرر بول أخيرا أن يستثمر توقعاته في السياسية الدولية بعد نجاحاته الباهرة في مباريات كأس العالم. وقد توصل بعد تفكير طويل إلى أنه لا مجال لإرساء السلام العادل في الشرق الأوسط وجزم بأن أحلام السلام ولت ولن تعود.

Création du bonheur

Ils m’ont volée mes capacités d’appréciation ; le droit de voir plus que se passe. Tout me semble simple, normal et insuffisant. Tout me semble comme s’il existait déjà depuis toujours. Rien de spécial, rien de nouveau. Sauf plusieurs informations sur internet, sur les panneaux publicitaires plusieurs informations partout. Le fait que je peux les comprendre me fait mal à la gorge. Je ne suis pas si intellectuelle. Mais le sentiment d’oubli et de perte fait une priorité pour eux et moi. Tout me semble simple et normal même le cinéma. Sa magie est disparue. Le théâtre, les concerts sont les mêmes . Soudain il n’y a pas de lumière, il n’ya pas de goût , pas de sens comme si tout est volé tout est perdu. Peu être il s’agit de maturité. Peu être un état bouddhiste, de conscience totale . Une conscience totale qui détruit l’ignorance, les fautes et l’émotion. Un état bouddhiste de compréhension extrême. De façon que je ne vois pas l’histoire mais la caméra, non plus le rideau mais les acteurs, non plus les sourires mais les mots non prononcés. Je me suis totalement convaincue que réfléchir tout le temps peut m’emmener à suicider ou à la folie. C’est un état extrême,ceux, qui peuvent le survivre sont rares. Selon la mythologie indienne une seule personne parmi des dizaines peut le faire.

Savoir plus que c'est permis ! ce n’est pas amusant du tout. Le souhait de rentrer ignorant semble plus intéressant comme l’amour et l’argent, l’acquisition du savoir ne fait pas le bonheur. L’acquisition ne fait rien que créer un envie constant d’acquérir jusqu’à l’infini. Tout ce qu’as-tu acquis n’est pas improtant. D’ailleurs l’importance est relative, au moins pour nous qui ont étudié le journalisme. Comment décider que c’est important et qu’il mérite d’être publié ? Ce n’est pas une tache facile !
Mais le monde réel a déjà identifié l’importance ? C’est d’étudier, travailler, se marier, avoir des enfants et mourir. C’est un cycle bien déterminé, un chemin inévitable pour qu’on se considère normal. Même les génies, les artistes, les talentueux, les rebelles… qui ont abandonné le normal veulent le récupérer. L’acquisition ne fait que produire un envie constant d’acquérir jusqu’à l’infini.

The ball that I don't have

Today in my way home, I have seen a little boy playing with a ball. He has been smiling. he was so beautiful and I wanted to stay and play with him. I just wanted to forget about all my duties; the list that I have to do. I wanted to stay there and play just behaving as the work of tomorrow won't come.

I am a positive person and I love that. However, instead of having a positive idea about it. I was telling myself : "oh I cannot play. I don't have time to play.l I don't even have a ball" . Where am I going to play? and with whom? I had just one idea: it is impossible for me to play with ball. I went home, ate and watched TV and forgot about the bal.l I did not think even about how can I do it.

Suddenly I listened to a song that I love. It is Taking chances for Celine Dion. Actually, I believe in every word of that song. The fact of taking chances and trying whatever could be the consequences. I started to dance sing jump and then I have seen a little Pikatshu that I have. He was like a ball I started to play with it throughtit in every direction.

I remembered the little boy and I felt the same. I know that it is not about the things you want to do sometimes they are so selly and simple but an idea that could cross your mind in a moment could decide if you could do it or not.

Happiness belongs to the little things.

October 13, 2009

Saturday, July 17, 2010