An Open Letter to Someone who should know it themselves!

  

I don’t know why it still feels the same, even though you found someone else, even though I have never met you, I have never seen you.. You moved on that is for sure I moved on me too but they are years and it is not easy to omit those years from my life when you were literally my life.. I let you go times ago and I have my life. You know I did change totally.. I am finally that person I’ve dreamt of being and I painted my room, I work out three time a week, I teach, I finished my Italian class, I traveled, I fell in love, I had dates, I have good friends, and I am loving myself more than I did ever before.. But even though you hurt me, even though I hated you, even though you are far away and maybe for that sometimes I miss you.. I would love to have that friend again.. the one that I can tell everything and only today I figured out how a hurtful loss was losing you.. I miss the friend that doesn’t judge, doesn’t hurt, and doesn’t pretend that was honest even though I was skeptical.

I would love to tell you about SparkPeople, about my students about my dreams about my manicures the colors that I don’t have yet and the places where I have been lately . I would love to tell you that I am going to bowl this week, that I have a lot of secret lovers and that I can buy whatever I want, that I will visit that place that we have dreamt of together . I miss your links, recommendations, books and movies.. I was immature and I did not know how to deal with it, all what I wanted is to be friends all the time, but I know it is impossible and I know you have your choices now as I had once. I am not in love with you, you know that but I am in friendship with you. Love is blind, friendship is clairvoyant.. and I still miss that friend.. and that was my biggest loss!

Freedom of hurt!

I think everybody is free ! Free to think to do and to be maybe even free to hurt anyone they want..No I did not hurt anyone recently and I am not writing this in order to justify whatsoever I might did. It is totally the inverse.. I have been hurt badly recently and I somehow managed to survive but I am here to write that everyone has the right to hurt people.

I am someone that believes in the freedom of forgiveness and letting go.. but here I am not able to let go.. not able to forgive it doesn’t hurt at all now but I am still not able to remove or turn that page. I am still blaming that person and fascinated with her hypocrisy .He is a phenomenon and I am here to defend his right to hurt maybe it is my only way out.

What I feel is my responsibility it is not anyone else’s responsibility.. No one can decide for me I let him hurt and I maybe enjoyed the victim attitude.. What he did was huge after all it is not descent to play with people’s feelings but what I did was being a pride for envy and negative thoughts eating me up! But until when ?!

It is impossible that one day that person turns to be a friend again but all what I have to do now is acknowledging his right to hurt and my right to not feel hurt.. My mother said you don’t have to forgive him you don’t have to not forgive him just drop him out and don’t think about it! Wise solution worth trying.. J

Ethiopia.. a trip to remember (3)

Well, it is our second training day and everything was great.. Yolanda and I got to know each other better.. in the end of the day I was so tired and exhausted and I am setting now on my king bad in room 204.. The hotel is very comfortable and I still enjoy staying here.. one of the interesting things that happened today is that I become ‘officially’ a translator.. well not literally  but  I was translating the intervention of a Sudanese colleague whenever he talks! It was enjoyable somehow and I used my languages skills I actually got 2 comments today from 2 colleagues wondering how I manage to speak 4 languages (Arabic – French – English- Italian) they have no idea that I am planning to learn more languages J

In AU (African Union) there  are a lot of beautiful art work I am sahring some here :

PS : AU building was a gift from the republic of China I wonder what these chinese could do more in Afria !

Ethiopia.. a trip to remember (2)

 I was wondering how to start my blog post about today.. But what could be better than “Yod Abyssinia” a typical traditional Ethiopian restaurant where we had our dinner for tonight several minutes ago! What a beautiful restaurant, I was not brave enough to choose traditional food or bread while making my dish, at least not in the beginning of our week.. Yolanda (a journalist with us from Namibia with whom I become friends we spend the day together and we did all things together, I like her name and it means purple flower!) and I chose to keep it safe and to try traditional food the last day!

This is the purple flower:

Then we sit and we enjoyed some of Ethiopian songs and dances, our friend Milion ( from FES Ethiopia) said that every song and dance represents a different tribe or tradition in the country..don’t  you ever think that I did not comment on his name J I told him US dollar or Euro he said no I prefer pound J smart and funny guy!

The restaurant was very beautiful and there were cute kids dancing with the music I don’t know how I forgot my camera but Yolanda was kind enough and she will send me the pictures she took..Till then here is some pix from the internet:

Well there are a lot of things to talk about but I feel so tired to write.. the day in general was smooth and we learned a lot about Ethiopia this magic country!

There is something that caught our attention me and Yolanda: it seems that the whole city is under construction all the buildings are getting constructed strange!  And yeah everywhere there checking points even in restaurants J

PS Addis Ababa has its strange beauty..No comfort or modernity it is modest but somehow magic I like it J

Ethiopia.. a trip to remember! (1)

Date: Saturday, July 7, 2012

Time: 17:35 Cairo time

Location: Cairo’s Airport

Purpose: Transit for Addis Ababa

I am in Egypt and it is real..This is the first time I leave my home country Tunisia and everything was just terrific. Just few hours ago I was in a plane for the first time and guess what?? I did not get scared.. I enjoyed every moment. Well I needed to remind myself from time to time that this is really happening!

 It is fun to be here, even though I will stay here just for some hours  and I can say that this trip is extremely amazing !

While I am setting here in the Egyptian airport next to my friend Ahlem on a coffee and restaurant (she told me to mention her salad when talking about her.. more precisely her Cesarean salad I tasted it is very delicious !!!  whom I met in Carthage airport) I have this strange feeling I wanna visit Egypt.. I wanna enter the country I can see Egyptian sky and land and I saw Cairo’s buildings but I will be back I just feel that !

But for now let’s focus on Addis Ababa! Well when I was a little kid I have always thought about travelling into Africa… I live in Africa actually (in north Africa Tunisia) but that is not at all real Africa.. I wanned to see jungles waterfalls and African people (native people) native nations..

Yes I am in my way to Addis Ababa (Ethiopia), yes I am in my way to Africa.. I heard a lot of comments about my trip and how crazy I am to accept this opportunity.. It is an opportunity and I caught it.. it is a golden one and I am so excited I did accept it! I am not stupid to say no to an opportunity to be in this magic and different world AFRICA!

I walked Ahlem to her gate to go to Dubai! Only when she left I started to feel that the real trip started! She was a good company but she traveled before knows the airport and was helping and giving me all the information I needed -but only when she left and I was by my own heading to G5 my gate to the plane for Addis Ababa- I felt that the adventure is on!

Once I was there in front of the G5 and just after few minutes, a girl came and started to talk to me in Arabic a strange accent most likely Lebanese. She was Ethiopian and travels a lot to work in Lebanon I started to talk to her about Addis Ababa, the weather the hotel.. and I asked her for her name Harag cute.. I said “what it means?” she asked me if I am Muslim or Christian? I said Muslim she said I am Christian and my name means thecross I think it was cute..

Here is my friend Harag :

This is Brokly her friend:

She wanned my phone number I gave it to her and she gave me Harag’s number ..she wrote Harag’s name for me as she is the only one among the three of them that writes in English and their third friend asked me If I can speak Arabic I don’t know why I answered in French “je suis arabe” STRANGE! And if I want to say yes I usually say “SI” All languages mixed up in my mind!!!!

Well after that we went to the plane, my seat was 23 C and it was a cool trip I watched the movie “Journey 2: the mysterious island” on the plane and after almost 3 hours 40 minutes I saw the capital Addis Ababa SO gorgeous a lot of lights J loved it!

Addis Ababa HIT ME !

PS: I still cannot believe this is happening to me

HD life !

On my way to work today, I heard a spot on the radio about HD devices and I wondered what a coincidence?! WOW, in my life now, I feel like I am using some HD technology, a kind of clarity is pumping up every single day.

I can see clearly now using my ‘3D’ glasses, life is always beautiful but it is certainly related to people’s attitudes. After months I spent conditioned with what people do or say, I am now free, I read a wonderful post about “karma it says that how people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours.” True!

Suddenly, I realized that it has nothing to do with me, it is the karma they choose to send into the universe, they want to send kindness or harm to the outside world and then I can react the way I want to be treated not the possible reasonable way ‘anger or revenge’.

It is their karma and sooner or later they will get it back (what goes around comes around).

I can choose my karma freely; I decide how it will be and how I make it.

Another clarity point: time management skills that I have been reading about lately are extremely astonishing. Well, I know that time is an illusion and it does not really exist ( I have even written an article about that).It is better to discuss tasks and activity management instead of time management. That combination of fun and productivity and slowing down while doing more are another 3D glasses that I am using now J

Those 2 principles are my way out of my “foggy” life where my conditioned emotions deprived me of my ability to clearly see how amazing and perfect my life was, is and will be.

On my desk at work I put a card in which I wrote “I am awesome and so sweet and special”.

It is just a quick reminder that I deserve to be here on the earth and that it is not about what or how they perceive me, but how I choose to treat myself and treat people.

Falling is not a popular choice!

In another life I would love to be a butterfly. I know it lives for one day, just one but it really lives, it celebrates its colors, flies from a flower to flower and embraces that magic of the world.

I have always admired butterflies, unlike flowers stable and sure, butterflies are free and limitless. They whisper to each flower the reason for which they have been created. It flows like a beautiful summer breeze and never regrets a mistake. What else I would ask to have but freedom? Freedom from the past, mistakes and people’s opinions. What else I would ask to have?

I like butterflies as much as I like books, they inspire me, I know that Osho said you don’t have to look for your inspiration outside yourself, but they do inspire me. I believe in book therapy, words are powerful I know that and what books are but words?

The other time I was at work standing up to go out for launch and it hit me. It always does by the way J it is one life (for the butterfly one day) so why we keep avoiding living? Why we are too afraid to live to fall from the edge like Celine says? We don’t know what waits for us maybe “a solid ground, a hand to hold, or a hell to pay.” Anyway, falling itself is an accomplishment. If studies claim that only 3% of earth’s population is happy and successful, falling seems not a popular choice.

But they always fall, butterflies never miss a flower an opportunity to experience “life”. They just have one day, but they don’t hurry up, they don’t worry they just accept the moment and are always ready to fall.