Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Tough Days Happen

It was a tough day. I hate it when I am the reason of my own pain. I hate not to be able to explain or answer the question : why you feel this way? I have not chosen it. It is something outside my control. Call it energy, unbalanced chakras, hormones, unreleased negative emotions, over planning... Whatever! I hate it when I lose control. But my worst day since months turned to be a blessing, eventually. I needed some time off, I needed to clear that space between my ears and ask again what really matters? Me sure, and a lot of things in the world.

I made it; I made it thru a tough day. And I smiled in the end. Yesterday and today, I felt so needy to meditate. I wanted to close my eyes and fall into me. A part of me thought I was running away and a part was convinced that I am courageous enough to drop into the ocean of my being and let myself fall.

I really need to fall; not to think or rethink of it millions of times.

I was going to cancel my engagements but I wanted to give tomorrow its chance. No day should be decided according to predictions. Tomorrow the sun will rise, the birds will sing and I can live a mystery I would regret missing. My today won't decide tomorrow. I will only let it teach me that sometimes I have nothing to do except watching it happening. I tried TV, chocolate, shower, talking to mom, talking to friends, but nothing changed. My heart kept playing his sad song.

I am definitely responsible for what I feel and what I do. However, today taught me that there are things I wouldn’t be able to control. Friends that leave and don't explain it, dreams that your mind gives up on them, peace in a world that believes wars are cheaper... Things happen, yet happen for a reason.