Thursday, December 30, 2010

2010 vs 2011

I like the way I am and I am deeply enjoying my life the way it is. Still, I do have dreams and secret wishes, I want ... To have different or more things in my life, to become more ...What I like about future is that it is a blank page and you can write whatever you want. The future is vast, limitless and full of possibilities. That is why; I haven't written my 2011 resolutions yet (I will do tomorrow). I need all the possible time to write it and I won't give away a single dayJ

2010 was a very beautiful and happy year in my life. Millions of things happened for the first time. Some of them used to seem wishes maybe impossible to the point that if someone had told me five years ago that those things could happen I wouldn't believe him I would instead call him crazy and unrealistic. But here I am I had them I enjoyed them; sometimes I did not know exactly how to behave toward them or even what to do with them but the most important thing that I had them. But the word that can describe my 2010 is Balance. During 2010 I have found my balance which is the true essence of life.

Personal Growth:

2010 was a very interesting year when it comes to my personal growth. My personality has changed remarkably. I used to be very shy, timid and I wouldn't never ever argue with someone or express how wrong or bad they make me feel. I used to believe that such behavior is wrong and it hurts; it will hurt people around me. But in reality I was the one who is suffering. When I started to open up and communicate how I feel I was able to avoid at least 90% of that suffer simply because I interpreted facts according to my own view. The absence of communication caused me to think and create a situation where I was hurt while the other person meant nothing. All of it was happening in my head.

2010 is the year when I finally found my balance. I used to prioritize things in a very rigid way. I used to be rough and severe with myself if I don't do something right or lose my time. In 2010 I figured out there is nothing called wasted time that the time spent doing nothing or the time spent committing mistakes was as valuable as the time spent doing the right things as what I call effective time.


Blogging for me is a lot of fun. Writing is a wonderful state of being. I write so I exist, no need to refer to Decartes simply because I bypassed the state of doubting since a long timeJ I started my first blog in 2007. My first blog was inaccessible when it became full. I love that blog but I have to admit that I love my current blog much more. On May 2010, I created a blog that really reflects the real me, a space where I can say and share everything about me without thinking twice.


2010 was a very challenging year when it comes to my relationships. It is true that I have met a lot of people. Many amazing people have come across my path and many of them were very helpful and a source of joy. However, many of them have tried to intervene in my life and decide instead of me what it is important or what choices I should take. Appreciation, I guess, is the best attitude toward such behaviors, keeping in mind that people are seeing only their own choices on me.


2011 is already a very special year for me. Though a lot of activities are already decided since 2010, it is still a blank page where I will create a very beautiful happy life.

Still, I will keep in mind:

*Life is not about effectiveness or productivity, it is about balance.

*Time is not about doing more or less, it is about enjoying what you do.

*People are not independent; they are reflections of who I am.

*Happiness cannot take place yesterday or tomorrow, happiness won't take place when everything becomes perfect, happiness in now or never.

*Abundance is not far or impossible but abundance is not always the answer.

*Loving yourself is the most beautiful thing on earth and it is the only way to your inner and outer world.

Whatever my resolutions in 2011 could be, the most important thing is that I will keep joy, love, happiness, balance and fun my life's key words.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

‘I am’ no ‘we are’ …a concept of plurality!

I was born June 19, so my horoscope is GEMINI. Double personality, moody and changes are famous comments to hear when I say 'Gemini'. I usually respond “no millions of personalities not only two”. Obviously, we don't have a unique version of who we are, we have instead a lot of versions.

I have me who wake up in the morning so hopeful and smiling but can pay one million dollar just for another minute of sleeping. And there is me with my friends expressing my view points and my craziness in levels. With some I feel so free to the point that I dare to be the real me (a hard thing to do especially being Arwa:). Around some I am very diplomatic, with others I am cautious and my sixth sense is putting red flags whenever I see or talk to that person.

There is a version of me in the classroom very polite and a VERY GOOD LISTENER :). There is a version of me while I am taking a walk in the morning: free, smiling, looking to the sky most of the time, noticing the smallest details, colors and gestures. There is a version of me playing around like kids well I walk like kids, smile like kids and think like kids :) That is the kid version of who I am. There is a version of me when I see books, when I will win 546789 billion dollar:), when I dream and when I decide to act realistic which happens for seconds no more.

Well, it is impossible to stick or to choose one of these versions and say this is me. Because this is how it is. We say I am ... but in reality we have to say we are... Every single human being is a lot of people fighting inside, debating, sometimes killing each other but most of the time seeking love, peace and co-existence. I am plural, all humanity and that is the funniest part about life!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Terrorism: The ultimate justification of any policy

An article published by l'Expert on August 2010, written by me sure:)

Terrorism remains one of the most controversial terms of nowadays. Obviously, the Bush administration best diplomatic theory has been a very manipulative excuse to any act. His successor Barrack Obama has claimed preferring to avoid using the term “Long War On Terror”. Yet, he still believes that the biggest threat to US security is the possibility of terrorist's ownership of nuclear weapon.

One of the recent uses of this concept took place during Israeli attacks against the Freedom Flotilla -which tried to end the Gaza Blockade. The commandos who were sent by Israeli government were ‘self-defenders- against some 'terrorists' who used knives and weapons against Israeli soldiers. A world full of terrorists could be a justification of any act. It is simply a self-defence against terrorists in Gaza, Lebanon and everywhere.

Nevertheless, terrorism is not a modern phenomenon or a new concept. First attacks and acts described as terrorist have existed for a millenia. Being such an old phenomenon, it has not helped to clarify or to define the concept. Till now ,the International community has been unable to formulate a universally agreed, legally binding, criminal law definition of terrorism. Therefore, how could countries like U.S or Israel use this controversial concept to describe acts they do not accept? If it is not possible till now to formulate a legal definition of what terrorism is, is it possible to judge individuals or groups on terrorism?

Honestly speaking, there is no existence of a common terrorism but so many possible types and forms of what could terrorism look like. However, it is not about defining it or punishing its doers, it is, obviously, about getting advantage as much as possible from this ambiguity. Knowledge is power and when you know your enemy, you could find a way to deal with him, that is why mystery is not easy to manage. Same for this concept, as much as it is unclear and not defined, it is possible to emloy it in different cases in order to realize various and even contradictory goals.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

إسرائيل وشعار الاستيطان أولا

" دون خطوة سريعة ومؤثرة لوقف التدهور الجاري في الموقف على الأرض فإن حل إقامة دولتين ... سيكون صعب التحقق." هذا ما تضمنته رسالة وجهها خافيير سولانا المنسق الأسبق للسياسة الخارجية في الاتحاد الأوروبي و26 مسؤولا أوروبيا سابقا إلى منسقة السياسة الخارجية في الاتحاد الأوروبي كاثرين أشتون من أجل التعبير عن رفضهم للسياسة الاستيطانية التي تنتهجها إسرائيل. لكن إسرائيل طبعا انتقدت هذا الموقف فهي تعتبرأن الاستيطان لا يشكل أية عقبة أمام التوصل إلى حل. فالاستيطان حاليا هو الورقة الرابحة الاسرائيلية الأولى التي تمكنت من خلالها إسرائيل من وقف المفاوضات. وهي الورقة التي ستمكنها من القضاء على حل الدولتين.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

So Easy To Quit

It is very easy to lose faith in someone, to close the door, to forget, to move on. It is easy to get angry, to get mad to let go. It is very easy to quit, to try to convince yourself that it wouldn’t work; they were not worth it. You start to justify your choice so you can move on.

Maybe after some time you come back there and you discover that it was not the right choice that it would be better if you gave them another chance, if you just stayed for moments, if you just knew how much they are important to you.

It may take moments or years but some day, somehow you will regret. You will wish that your decisions were different. Maybe you gave up on them but you have learnt. Next time you won’t let fear, disappointment, anger, mistakes decide instead of you. Next time maybe you will automatically give them another chance. Next time you will maybe love them and that is enough.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Hopeless ... Hopeful

People only see what they are prepared to see Ralph Waldo Emerson

Impulsions, motivations, events, people and circumstances are very neutral. They can be positive or negative, source of happiness or source of misery. No need to illustrate that what matters is your attitude. An individual with a vision can anticipate and imagine how things can turn to be. An individual without a vision will limit himself and his potential to what this moment has to offer.

With an unchangeable past (except mentally) and an unknown future, logically we have only the present moment. Now is our only possibility to be. And being is a state of mind and a road leading to happiness. Now we can love, we can live, we can choose and decide. I cannot decide yesterday I already decided and I cannot decide tomorrow because I will eventually decide. Still, the power of the present moment is lived to the max when we have a strong feeling of appreciation and gratitude. Without appreciation, presence will be destructed and we will start to focus on how things were terrific or how they will be terrific (keeping in mind that when the pseudo terrific moment had existed, we didn’t feel terrific; same for the future pseudo terrific moment when it will come we will not feel that way). Consciousness is the cause. At the present moment we are conscious we cannot be conscious yesterday or tomorrow.

The present can be imperfect can trigger us to feel helpless and hopeless. It is important and we don't have all what we desire want or love. We still want more we still need more. Then the present moment starts to seem miserable imperfect and incomplete. It is simply an incomplete present which leads to unhappy present no satisfaction no conviction and no gratitude.

A present moment can only be lived with gratitude and also with a conviction that it is perfect; it is what you exactly need. Now everything is perfect: dissatisfaction misery, lack, are making the image perfect along with satisfaction, happiness and the sense of accomplishment. A moment is made up of negative and positive; good and bad; good and evil. It won't be perfect if it misses a composing. We need to be late, lost; uncertain, sad, evil as much as we need to be punctual, certain happy, good and found again.

It is very beautiful to live the moment but there are other moments to come. If you don't plan chances are that no one will plan for you. An imperfect present when it is lived should be accepted and treated as perfect. When we plan, we have to consider opportunities and be hopeful because things can change, improve, grow, evolve backwards or forwards. A bad language level can become excellent, inexperienced employee can become experienced.

At a present moment, misery stems from dissatisfaction with a current situation; stems from non- acceptance and especially a lack of a vision. A present moment must be accepted: a present situation must be improved or accepted. Hopeful means you live the moment happily and grow continually. Hopeless means you are miserable already and you will attract more misery. Hopeful has a vision hopeless is blinded by illusions. Circumstances, events, people are not good or bad negative or positive; they are perceived so.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

My daily happiness commitment: Inspirational reading ‘The Tao Te Ching’

When you stop to compete, no one can compete with you. Anyone who read my “Me” section will know what I am talking about. Yeah right lao tzu again. Did anyone one hear me before repeating everything happens for a reason? I was upset last week extremely upset. When I feel bad I whether eat chocolate, watch TV or in 70% of case read and I usually read something positive. I read articles and quotes before about or referred to Lao Tzu but I have never read The Tao Te Ching. So when I felt that way; I said go and learn some wisdom J and I read the book. It was easy and fun to read it.

I will share lessons that I have really enjoyed learning from The Tao Te Ching:

Always without desire we must be found,
If its deep mystery we would sound;
But if desire always within us be,
Its outer fringe is all that we shall see.

Duality is a subject that triggers my attention since first year journalism; I firstly payed attention to it during history class. How much we need love as much as we need hatred, work as much as we need rest. Anything on earth is nothing without its contrast. It is only full when it made up of tow of the yin and yang the male and female.

Lao Tzu says to explain such a magic mystery at least for me this way:

So it is that existence and non-existence give birth the one to
(the idea of) the other; that difficulty and ease produce the one (the
idea of) the other; that length and shortness fashion out the one the
figure of the other; that (the ideas of) height and lowness arise from
the contrast of the one with the other; that the musical notes and
tones become harmonious through the relation of one with another; and
that being before and behind give the idea of one following another.

Next time you realize how miserable you are, think again; next time you realize how mistaken you are, think again. Misery and mistakes are parts from a bigger image. This is what they call bigger picture or seeing outside the box. Perception is always missing something. And as we perceive one thing at a time, we will only focus on one thing at a time. We focus on the mistakes and forget millions of right or good things we have done. We focus on misery and we forget millions of things we are blessed to have. “Is he still breathing? Yes he is. So there still is a way.” That is what the dragon told Mirelon when he was worried about Arthur. Are you still breathing? If you answer yes (which is obviously what will happenJ as you are still alive reading this note ) believe there is a way you may not about to see it now under those circumstances but existence and non existence give birth the one to the other.

And as we do things, we have to satisfy our intention to help. Living for oneself only could be fun but our hearts need to hug someone need to share need to feel alive. That is why when we give unconditionally the world gives us more. It is only when we are not waiting for anything in return we have everything we want.

Therefore the sage puts his own person last, and yet it is found in
the foremost place; he treats his person as if it were foreign to him,
and yet that person is preserved. Is it not because he has no
personal and private ends, that therefore such ends are realised?

You must never underestimate yourself or what you can do. There is no such thing as weak or incapable. There is nothing that you cannot do if you strongly want to do. If you are too lazy to do something don’t say I cannot or I am not able to, say I don’t have enough welling to do it, I don’t want to do it. Because when you start doing it, you will become amazed of what you can do and how possible can describe all your secret wishes and wild dreams.

Empty your cup; when it is full. Sometimes asking for more is exactly striving for less. When your cup is full anything more you add will be wasted. When you work harder and harder that is great but we have to recognize the moment when we have to stop and watch. Life is too fast and nothing deserves to consume all your time.

It is better to leave a vessel unfilled, than to attempt to
carry it when it is full. If you keep feeling a point that has been
sharpened, the point cannot long preserve its sharpness.

I have extremity enjoyed reading The Tao Te Ching and I am thinking to read it again. J

Monday, November 29, 2010

"Time is not enough" ok it will never be!

Concerned with living happily, I don’t settle only for what I experience and live but I also pay attention to what people say and do. I am deeply convinced that what you need to know about any person, it is already disclosed by his words. You don’t need to become an expert on detecting and analyzing body language and body messages, neither to be well-informed about a person’ past and previous experiences. Only pay attention to the words people frequently use and that is enough you will learn a lot about their convictions and attitudes.

One of expressions I generally hear people repeating is "I am busy, I don’t have time". You can fast conclude that they lack management and self-control. What causes people to “lose” time is the absence of prioritizing; sometimes they don’t even know what activities are important in their lives. Further, they have issues with self-control; they cannot control the activities they do and also cannot say no to FB or TV. I don’t have any problem with that; I won’t say that spending time on FB or TV is a bad thing or a good one. It is neither bad nor good. It depends on many things. However, what I am not able to understand and I won’t be able to do is: how some people consciously waste their time and complain that time is not enough.

According to what I have been taught and to what I know till now (I don’t think they have changed it yet) a day is 24 hours for everyone on earth. That is fair enough! Einstein did not have 5000 hour a day. All of happy or miserable people yesterday today and tomorrow have 24 hours every single day. I guess the problem stems from a lot of beliefs and behaviors. Productivity, for instance, is everyone's target. Everyone wants to become productive at work but no one thinks about being productive doing something fun, recreating or meeting friends. Working all the time will create a need to work more that is normal and we will end up workaholic if we are not already. Time is always the same, and a day is not created to be spent doing one thing only. That is why; I said FB and TV are not bad or good, it depends. Even though you are watching TV for fun, that is ok fun is a part of your life.

I facebook, watch TV, talk too much with mom and do a lot of unreasonable unproductive things but still I am very productive and I know exactly how to get things done. My secret is simple I live a life and a life includes everything fun, career, family, friends... what most people do is to focus on one part and miss the rest. The 24 hours are enough for a lot of fun and things to do. There is nothing called "I don't have enough time"; you simply don't want to have enough time. And if you think that time is not enough guess what?? it will never be. Some people perceive themselves as victims of everything including the clock. When you move on and stop perceiving yourself as a victim you can truly understand that perfection is madness and that time is perfectly enough but only to LIVE!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Eat Pray Love

It was a very beautiful day, not only because it was the most enjoyable Eid I have ever had but also because I let a part of myself be. I was able to understand, plan and accept that some things are tiring, boring but they are so sweet, so beautiful, so original so essential for a balanced life. I watched the sky today and when I am talking about how great I felt just for doing ordinary work just for cleaning up and spending time with my family, I cannot put off the picture of the blue sky; it was marvelous and it was like seeing ‘me’ in the mirror.

I walked, turned the light on and I watched myself in the mirror I figured out that I am beautiful I told myself that I am beautiful; I couldn’t escape from my eyes. Just after watching Eat Pray Love, I walked to the mirror, turned the light on and watched myself; those eyes have been always there, mine and I have seen them beautiful all the time. But I have never ever seen them that beautiful. Watching the movie was like meditating; once I stopped watching I looked to the room around me and it did not feel the same; it was not the same; it was beautiful.

Watching the movie, I was seeing myself in every step:

Italy, I love Italy! it has been an eternal dream to visit it. Oh! Pizza! Planning to visit Italy just to eat pizza is insane but it is totally me. I have a relationship me too with pizza I used the exact term before: ‘relationship’. Pizza for me is not just about another unhealthy meal. I have always thought of pizza as a person as someone else sharing with me a special moment. It has been there when I met friends when I spent time with people I love when I watched great movies. It has been there sharing with me beautiful moments in my life. I have never thought of my size or my blood pressure when I eat pizza even though I am very conscious about my health I workout, I eat well, meditate; but pizza is not my weakness ; I just love it.

Italy is a beautiful place on earth it is the most alive country in the world. I am learning Italian. Trying to be a descent and a thoughtful person I could answer the question why? Because I am concerned with my career; because languages are important; because I want to to study or work in Italy. None of these is true. When Silvia my Italian teacher threw that unexpected question on me: why are you studying Italian? I kept repeating ehhh ehh ehe… so one of my colleagues translated that to me. I said I understood but… I did not even complete the sentence what would I say? I am studying Italian because I love to. I cannot even recall the last time I heard someone saying that “I am doing something because I love it”. The Italian class is so beautiful and I am just studying for fun. Not for a CV: a piece of paper that you imagine could describe you. No word can describe me; no résumé can describe me. And I don’t care for my CV. When people say it is very important for your CV and do it for your CV, please somebody kill me! I don’t want to do it for my CV I want to do it for my life, for me. When she (Liza or Julia Roberts) picked the Italian dictionary I couldn’t help it ; the movie is about me.

India, I smile all the time, I have been even named the smiley girl. Arwa is always happy Arwa never gets down… Yes I am but I have never smiled from my liver I don’t know how that feels. Thoughts oh struggling all the time. I Love everything in India. When I think about India I always think about colors. I am a colorful person. Meditating in the morning is beautiful it is very powerful it is so deep peaceful and simple till the point that you forget that YOU are meditating and you don’t recall even why you are doing it.

Bali, I have never thought to go there. But I have always dreamt of a similar place. GREEN GREEN GREEN. I am afraid. I am afraid to fall in love. I don’t want to give up my balance. That is true, I believe in love. I love love. But I am afraid. I can walk away very easily. And all what I have been talking writing or living by can fall apart because I am afraid. I can escape to keep me. It feels as if I fall I will lose myself. It was not easy to find me to find my balance and I am afraid of giving up am afraid of throwing away all what I have.

The movie was about me; I am reflecting myself on the movie; Liza left all of that just to show me my dreams , life, beliefs on the screen; I am crazy. Pick any option you want. I am beautiful and my eyes are my window to my soul. I will watch it again and again and again. I am beautiful and my eyes are my window to the world to my soul.
Eat Pray Love

Friday, November 12, 2010

My First Article on How ‘I’d love to’ instead of ‘I must do’ can change your life?

Few months ago, I received the following e-mail from

Hello Arwa
I am the editor of<>, the world’s leading ‘how to’ website. We’re about to get bigger and better and i'm looking for some keen & skilled writers to be a part of it.
We've just launched a powerful new self-publishing website that helps people with unique know-how & expertise (i.e. you) connect with our knowledge-hungry audience. The website is called Videojug Pages -<>
I am searching for a select group of writers & bloggers to become Founder Members on Videojug Pages. I came across your blog - 'Arwa for the future' - and was really impressed.
I'd like to invite you to join our growing community of writers (it's 100% Free).

Well, it has been a long time since I planed to write for How To sites. Obvioulsy, seemed a great opportunity. However, I needed to finish some business first :). Today, I published my first article there. It is How ‘I’d love to’ instead of ‘I must do’ can change your life?

Read it here.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

All of you matter to me

Yesterday, I went with some old friends to a café near our college. First published article, first trip…and definitely fiends of the first year journalism are the best. I had SO much fun. And I really love all of them. Five years ago, I was, definitely, different. They were too. I still cannot figure out how we can change and keep being friends. Back home, I had enough time to think about that meeting and meetings with people in general. People, people, people are everywhere, can make you feel the queen of the world or just another miserable on earth. "Hell is other people" Jean-Paul Sartre said. Regardless of what Sartre wanted to say, I believe people are hell because they teach us about ourselves.

I wonder how meeting people, talking to people, hearing people’s viewpoints can tell you a lot about yourself. Every human being you meet is able to teach you a lot about yourself and who you, really, are. Every human being you meet can reveal a part of your character that sometimes you were not aware it even exists. Every human being challenges you and can push you beyond your limits. People tell you who you are, repeat complements till you believe them, shape, on one way or the other, your self-image; how much beautiful, intelligent successful you are.

People ask questions:

Did you get a job? Did you get married? Do you have children?

You wonder, are you here to get their things done, or to do your business?

We all want to be accepted, desired, liked and even envied. We want to be noticed on the crowd and to be noticed the crowd has, first, to exist. We need people to feel loved, to know how much they love us, how much we matter in the world, and how much tears would fall if we were gone.

Still, people are so beautiful. No matter happens, no matter they say, we cannot live without them. People show you other ways to see the world. What could matter for you may not matter for them. They uncover the eternal truth: reality does not exist and perfection cannot be handled on earth.

The most beautiful thing about people is when they remind of what you truly are, when they believe in you and perceive you as an ideal person. It is a lot of pressure, I know, but it is beautiful. When you interact directly with people, your immune system boosts, you energy gets uplifted. When you hug people, energy flows from your heart to them and vice versa.

This post is for all people on this planet. Every single one of you is already making a difference, a huge difference. Without you, we won’t be who we are and earth will lose balance. This post is to all people that, directly, matter in my life; to my family (no word can describe you), to my closest friends (millions of thank you), to people who taught me, who loved or hated me, to all those that challenged me, to all who let me know myself better. To people, my heart joins, daily, the living symphony that we are, harmoniously, playing together. We are ONE.

Monday, November 8, 2010

My Daily Happiness Commitment : Until Your Wildest Dreams Come True

Have you ever heard about people who travelled the whole world looking for their true calling? People who had to spend nights outside watching the stars in the middle of terrifying jungles; people who fought monsters, escaped captivation and came back alive from death, people who saw their families and beloved ones tortured, raped or assassinated in front of them, people who carry weapons as their little kids because it is not a safe world out there? Those people, you wonder, can tell you about the real meaning of life; those people know exactly who they are; they have 'experiences'; they know the answer. Have you ever heard about people who retreat and spend hours and hours contemplating without even thinking about the word bored? People who have discovered that ‘scary’ inner world and live peacefully with it; people who ‘possess’ wisdom, people who understand life; people who have something to talk about.

What about you? Sitting on your chair; doing the same things everyday; no adventures; no big achievements. Ok wait a minute! I don't agree with all this madness. You don't have to fight a dragon to discover the sense of achievement. Who can give me an example of a dragon, a monster more dangerous and terrifying than Fear? You don't have to go to India; to meditate the whole day in order to uncover your true calling. You know it right here right now; whether you like what to do or you don't; you have the answer. You don't have to meet native people to understand love and compassion; you can see love and compassion right now on her or his eyes.

The bottom line is that the most important moment in your life is NOW. It may not seem that special because you are not in Hawaii drinking a refreshing cocktail and watching the ocean. But believe me, there is a huge ocean inside you. If only you choose to see and not to escape or hide from it all the time.

I dream of skydiving, I love it I know I am not that brave but flying is SUPER. I love diving too; the mystery of oceans appeals me; I want to see all that colours and creatures, closely. I love to jump from Australian mountains; to attend the Brazilian carnival; to visit India and spend a month there learning secret lessons about life. I want to walk on the Great Chinese Wall; I want to visit the moon; I want to make 'Tour d'Europe' on my feet or train; I want to have a dinner in the White House; to attend “le cirque de soleil”; to eat a real Italian pizza (still addicted to pizza and my home-made pizza is becoming more delicious every time; a great cooker is going to impress the world :) I want to spend a night watching the stars in front of a beautiful lake.... But until I make all or some of them come true, am I wasting my life? is what am doing not enough? Are people who did all of this understanding life more than me?

I had a conversation once with one of my friends, a journalist by the way. I know I have sometimes strange ideas that people cannot cope with. He was telling me: "I don't believe people who tell you how to live or what to do unless they had ‘huge experiences’"( maybe one of what I mentioned in the beginning). He said: “how can soemone leaving in a conformable neighbourhood write and tell me how to live?” I said: “you don't travel the world or try everything to discover true answers.” I am always convinced that everything is within, going from mini cooper (I love to drive a red one because I have never seen a rosy one :) or the ideal partner. Everything you want is inside you; all answers are inside you. He said: “you are young and you don't know anything about life.” I wondered, you have no idea :) I answered: “sometimes little experiences can teach you huge lessons and huge experiences can leave you with nothing.” I am convinced it is not about what you do or what you have is about YOU; what you are.

Lao Tzu (Oh that man really understands me; if he is still alive I would propose for him:) reiterated my thought (I Know he lived in the 4th century BC, so he is not reiterating my thought but Einstein said present past and future happen at the same time:). So Lao Tzu said:

Without stirring abroad, One can know the whole world; Without looking out of the window; One can see the way of heaven. The further one goes; The less one knows.”

Until your wildest dreams come true - and believe me they will do - keep dreaming but keep living the moment, you have yourself now and you will come back to yourself always. You will spend a month meditating in India; you will skydive (May Allah be with us:) you will realize everything you want but you will always come back to yourself; you will always have nothing but you. What you have done, you do or what you will do cannot tell anything about you. And half of people are miserable so they will always underestimate you, but you have billions of cells just in your brain and you have a reason to be a human being don't throw it away. Until your biggest dreams come true be happy, grateful and hopeful; love and give as much as you can because you receive as much as you give.

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn

from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you

by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while

I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails

into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself

taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world,

your return." Mary Jean Iron

Friday, November 5, 2010

As Happy as I deserve to be!

Deep in my heart, I keep the same secret goal. I want nothing out from life but to be happy. That is why; my way to perceive things is different. My way to deal with 'ordinary' things is different. I don’t question much what benefits or advantages something has to bring me, I merely care of what I feel.

Am I happy? That is a question, I repeat everyday so life does not succeed to destruct me; so what people call duties or priorities do not turn me down or turn me into a robot. A robot, who definitely accomplishes all tasks needed and even before deadlines, but a robot with no feelings or life. When the answer to that question is no, I feel, terribly, not me. I hate that feeling and honestly I try to escape from it, to hide somewhere because I cannot face moments where I am not happy. Happiness is my purpose in life, is my job, my partner, the other me. I don't want to just be one of millions who do not even realize that they have something that beats within; that they carry life in their chests. Happy is how I want to be today yesterday and certainly tomorrow.

I don't want to get a job and that is it; get married and that is it; have children and that is it; do my social duties perfectly and that is it; finally die and that is it. I want to die happily; and I guess if I want to die happy, I have to live happy first. I want to have a job that really makes me happy and doesn’t poison my time; I want love to be in everything around me; I want to see it everywhere I go and I want to breathe it instead of air; I want to do things with my heart telling me go on; I simply want to live a life where the only thing I am asked to do is to be who I am.

A lot of things that I am doing daily this period make me feel happy. Regardless of what people may think or how they judge what I do; I can say strongly that I am happy. Not only because a lot of things are exactly how I would love them to be, but also because I feel that fun makes a new composing of my blood. I definitely hate to nag about things that are not going right or time that seems to do nothing more than passing, relatively, fast. I love to appreciate the moment and love and accept me just how I am now; since I am perfectly how I need to be on this exact moment of my life.

I admit that I am less happy than before and I am missing a lot of beautiful feelings I used to keep inside. But I guess we evolve; we cannot remain the same forever. As we grow things change; I will try to make sure that the real essence of who I am remains untouched and at the same time make sure that on my pursuit of happiness; I keep in mind that I am already happy and I keep in mind that nothing in this world can bring me sorrow or happiness unless I permit that. Only me, decides how I feel and how my life is going to be; for that reason I will make sure that I live as happy as I deserve to be.