Friday, November 5, 2010

As Happy as I deserve to be!

Deep in my heart, I keep the same secret goal. I want nothing out from life but to be happy. That is why; my way to perceive things is different. My way to deal with 'ordinary' things is different. I don’t question much what benefits or advantages something has to bring me, I merely care of what I feel.

Am I happy? That is a question, I repeat everyday so life does not succeed to destruct me; so what people call duties or priorities do not turn me down or turn me into a robot. A robot, who definitely accomplishes all tasks needed and even before deadlines, but a robot with no feelings or life. When the answer to that question is no, I feel, terribly, not me. I hate that feeling and honestly I try to escape from it, to hide somewhere because I cannot face moments where I am not happy. Happiness is my purpose in life, is my job, my partner, the other me. I don't want to just be one of millions who do not even realize that they have something that beats within; that they carry life in their chests. Happy is how I want to be today yesterday and certainly tomorrow.

I don't want to get a job and that is it; get married and that is it; have children and that is it; do my social duties perfectly and that is it; finally die and that is it. I want to die happily; and I guess if I want to die happy, I have to live happy first. I want to have a job that really makes me happy and doesn’t poison my time; I want love to be in everything around me; I want to see it everywhere I go and I want to breathe it instead of air; I want to do things with my heart telling me go on; I simply want to live a life where the only thing I am asked to do is to be who I am.

A lot of things that I am doing daily this period make me feel happy. Regardless of what people may think or how they judge what I do; I can say strongly that I am happy. Not only because a lot of things are exactly how I would love them to be, but also because I feel that fun makes a new composing of my blood. I definitely hate to nag about things that are not going right or time that seems to do nothing more than passing, relatively, fast. I love to appreciate the moment and love and accept me just how I am now; since I am perfectly how I need to be on this exact moment of my life.

I admit that I am less happy than before and I am missing a lot of beautiful feelings I used to keep inside. But I guess we evolve; we cannot remain the same forever. As we grow things change; I will try to make sure that the real essence of who I am remains untouched and at the same time make sure that on my pursuit of happiness; I keep in mind that I am already happy and I keep in mind that nothing in this world can bring me sorrow or happiness unless I permit that. Only me, decides how I feel and how my life is going to be; for that reason I will make sure that I live as happy as I deserve to be.