I don’t know why it still feels the same, even though you found someone else, even though I have never met you, I have never seen you.. You moved on that is for sure I moved on me too but they are years and it is not easy to omit those years from my life when you were literally my life.. I let you go times ago and I have my life. You know I did change totally.. I am finally that person I’ve dreamt of being and I painted my room, I work out three time a week, I teach, I finished my Italian class, I traveled, I fell in love, I had dates, I have good friends, and I am loving myself more than I did ever before.. But even though you hurt me, even though I hated you, even though you are far away and maybe for that sometimes I miss you.. I would love to have that friend again.. the one that I can tell everything and only today I figured out how a hurtful loss was losing you.. I miss the friend that doesn’t judge, doesn’t hurt, and doesn’t pretend that was honest even though I was skeptical.
I would love to tell you about SparkPeople, about my students about my dreams about my manicures the colors that I don’t have yet and the places where I have been lately . I would love to tell you that I am going to bowl this week, that I have a lot of secret lovers and that I can buy whatever I want, that I will visit that place that we have dreamt of together . I miss your links, recommendations, books and movies.. I was immature and I did not know how to deal with it, all what I wanted is to be friends all the time, but I know it is impossible and I know you have your choices now as I had once. I am not in love with you, you know that but I am in friendship with you. Love is blind, friendship is clairvoyant.. and I still miss that friend.. and that was my biggest loss!