Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Eat Pray Love

It was a very beautiful day, not only because it was the most enjoyable Eid I have ever had but also because I let a part of myself be. I was able to understand, plan and accept that some things are tiring, boring but they are so sweet, so beautiful, so original so essential for a balanced life. I watched the sky today and when I am talking about how great I felt just for doing ordinary work just for cleaning up and spending time with my family, I cannot put off the picture of the blue sky; it was marvelous and it was like seeing ‘me’ in the mirror.

I walked, turned the light on and I watched myself in the mirror I figured out that I am beautiful I told myself that I am beautiful; I couldn’t escape from my eyes. Just after watching Eat Pray Love, I walked to the mirror, turned the light on and watched myself; those eyes have been always there, mine and I have seen them beautiful all the time. But I have never ever seen them that beautiful. Watching the movie was like meditating; once I stopped watching I looked to the room around me and it did not feel the same; it was not the same; it was beautiful.

Watching the movie, I was seeing myself in every step:

Italy, I love Italy! it has been an eternal dream to visit it. Oh! Pizza! Planning to visit Italy just to eat pizza is insane but it is totally me. I have a relationship me too with pizza I used the exact term before: ‘relationship’. Pizza for me is not just about another unhealthy meal. I have always thought of pizza as a person as someone else sharing with me a special moment. It has been there when I met friends when I spent time with people I love when I watched great movies. It has been there sharing with me beautiful moments in my life. I have never thought of my size or my blood pressure when I eat pizza even though I am very conscious about my health I workout, I eat well, meditate; but pizza is not my weakness ; I just love it.

Italy is a beautiful place on earth it is the most alive country in the world. I am learning Italian. Trying to be a descent and a thoughtful person I could answer the question why? Because I am concerned with my career; because languages are important; because I want to to study or work in Italy. None of these is true. When Silvia my Italian teacher threw that unexpected question on me: why are you studying Italian? I kept repeating ehhh ehh ehe… so one of my colleagues translated that to me. I said I understood but… I did not even complete the sentence what would I say? I am studying Italian because I love to. I cannot even recall the last time I heard someone saying that “I am doing something because I love it”. The Italian class is so beautiful and I am just studying for fun. Not for a CV: a piece of paper that you imagine could describe you. No word can describe me; no résumé can describe me. And I don’t care for my CV. When people say it is very important for your CV and do it for your CV, please somebody kill me! I don’t want to do it for my CV I want to do it for my life, for me. When she (Liza or Julia Roberts) picked the Italian dictionary I couldn’t help it ; the movie is about me.

India, I smile all the time, I have been even named the smiley girl. Arwa is always happy Arwa never gets down… Yes I am but I have never smiled from my liver I don’t know how that feels. Thoughts oh struggling all the time. I Love everything in India. When I think about India I always think about colors. I am a colorful person. Meditating in the morning is beautiful it is very powerful it is so deep peaceful and simple till the point that you forget that YOU are meditating and you don’t recall even why you are doing it.

Bali, I have never thought to go there. But I have always dreamt of a similar place. GREEN GREEN GREEN. I am afraid. I am afraid to fall in love. I don’t want to give up my balance. That is true, I believe in love. I love love. But I am afraid. I can walk away very easily. And all what I have been talking writing or living by can fall apart because I am afraid. I can escape to keep me. It feels as if I fall I will lose myself. It was not easy to find me to find my balance and I am afraid of giving up am afraid of throwing away all what I have.

The movie was about me; I am reflecting myself on the movie; Liza left all of that just to show me my dreams , life, beliefs on the screen; I am crazy. Pick any option you want. I am beautiful and my eyes are my window to my soul. I will watch it again and again and again. I am beautiful and my eyes are my window to the world to my soul.
Eat Pray Love

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